apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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