im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize