I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
