I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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