Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
