walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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