From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
