piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
