If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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