i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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