I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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