It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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