i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Randomize
