My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
