Define "chronic" masturbator.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
