I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
