There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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