I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
