My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
