Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
