You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
