did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
