Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
