if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
