Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
