He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
