he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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