I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
