I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
