Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
