Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
