cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
