1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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