I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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