This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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