Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
