She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
