God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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