remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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