I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
