Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
