just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
