No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
