Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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