I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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