dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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