I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
