I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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