That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
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I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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