I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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