Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
