margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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