She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
