Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
