A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
