You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
