A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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