Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just saw a hot homeless man
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
