fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
