He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
