your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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