she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize