She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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