I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
