so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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