all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
