Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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