dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I enjoy the company of your penis
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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