I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
