he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
