I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
